The party Monster

OMG ! if you haven't me the party monster you haven't seen squat !

This one has a friend in EVERY night club . Knows EVERY DJ and EVERY bouncer ! lol . She will dance all night and drink like a fish and never throw up.

She will call you 'everywhere' and when I say everywhere I mean everywhere . All the time out . All the time partying. It's like this culture that just won't go ! Morning afternoon night . PARTY !

It's crazy, you can take it for a few days. If you last a week I'll give you a medal !

The party animal is pretty tough to pick out from a group. She will not be too hot , nor be too ugly fugly . Just about average. 'okay' dancer . Grinds like a machine ! Since she's gotta lotta guy friends they will all be jealous of you when you dance with her . But thats okay if you can defend yourself in a beer brawl.

The party animal is very pricey , yet desperate. Very difficult to deal with and is definitely not a conversation maker. Deep down is just a lil kid that wants attention. She won't let you talk to her friends alone or even dance with her friends alone. Possessive. Will try and do whatever to be on your good side which will get to you after a while.

Bottom line being , if you wanna hop pubs and you got the cash to burn . Go ahead this is one experience you won't regret.

The King of Flailed first dates !

okay... im going to start a series of posts which describe all my flailed attempts at first dates...

so just letting ya'll know what to expect ! :)

The Rebound Girl

The Rebound girl ... :)

lols these are quiet a peculiar kind ! and possibly the easiest to stamp as ' corrected machi ' if you know what i mean.

They are quiet desperate for intimacy, i mean who isn't ? but this species melts like ice on a frying pan.

They've just broken up and need a shoulder to cry on ( who else but YOU ! ). They also need to be taken out to coffee and given reassuring hugs once in a while to make them feel better. Now we all need those when we go through those tough times but this species is looking for a little more than that.

And if the specimen hasn't got action in a while . woah your in for some ! that much i can tell you. All it takes is some sweet cudly words and some puppy dog looks. You might actually want to have a proper relationship with these kinds, but they are so freakishly weird that it kinda scares you off.

They expect calls and msgs like 'good morning sweetheart, have you eaten ? have you pooped ? did you fart 3 times today like the doctor said ? hows the pumpkin feeling ? ' blah blah blah so on and so forth... ! man ! you would never even send this sorta shit if you had a real girlfriend but you gotta do it for this ? wow ! hold your horses bro !

this girl thinks that she is in a relationship which has gone on for about 6 months at least and she expects that kind of emotional intimacy, not to mention physical . But its just annoying, you go out for the first time and you personally want this to last ! but NO . she HAS to freak you out with big big words like love , commitment, relationship, marriage ! what the hell has gotten into this species ! ? won't they EVER learn ?

we are GUYS for crying out loud ! and its the first official date ! you don't go on to be so serious ! you try and make the guy laugh, show him how cool you can be and what a nice girlfriend you can be if given the chance ! you DONT act serious and relationship working blah blah mode !!!!

expecting a 24 X 7 baby care is something you dont even get in a kindergarten school why are you even expecting it from a guy on a first date ! ... remember these golden rules. if he doesn't msg you on the morning after the first date its cos he's busy , if doesn't msg or call you after like a week THEN he's not that into you ! period . Don't come breathing down my neck and barking just cos i called you in the evening after the first date ! gimme at LEAST 24 hours lady !!!

lols .. anyway ! i hope that was enough animated discussion for this post ! :P

more if i feel like in a while :D

till then !

cheers !

The Socialite

The high socialite, I have this one friend that fits into this description... well as the word suggests. Money. And lots of it...
The problem with the high socialite is that she thinks she can't do wrong and will get away with anything and everything with a coy smile that she expects every guy to give in. The thing with this species. She won't pick up the phone, she won't return your phone calls and she won't give a damn on facebook or orkut or anywhere else. But when you meet ! the game just switches. She'll be all nice nice and sweet. Talk to you like you've been chum pals for years and when you ask her why she didn't reply to your messages or return your calls, she'll just give this awestruck look and say . you messaged me ? I didn't receive any messages, and oh that day I was busy talking to a friend from kansas and the other day I had a test. Then a lotta college work came and I totally forgot to buzz you back and she'll giggle like she knows your a sucker.
It's very very close to the bitch species but with this one, in person she will be the sweetest thing. Once you turn your back the games begin.

The most annoying thing well is that she probably has the most amazingly sweet and pretty friends which any guy will want to get know. But when you ask her if you can hit off with one of them she'll be like nah, she's not the type to go out and all. She isn't into relationships right now. blah blah... and a few weeks later the same girl who you wanted to hit off is going out with some other guy who is the biggest assol on the planet. Now that's annoying. Cos the thing with these women is that they listen to other women more than they listen to themselves. Big deep shit I tell ya. And with a friend like a socialite who needs enemies ?

I can't believe how this species has this sorta split personality or how they manage to play the game so well. I mean its a talent. But one day, a hunter will come... and the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

How to stay safe from a socialite ? Well don't ever depend on one, don't ever ask for anything from one. Just be the socialite inside you, smile, hug and pose for photographs but don't bother to make a conversation or even for that matter talk at all, cos then you'll get lured in and snubbed so big that the grand canyon looks small.

How to identify one ? Usually not the very center of attention, but someone who has met and knows everyone in the room. All the time smiling and posing for photographs, dressed not too flashy but also not too dull. Let's say... hmmm the center of power of some sort ?

Can you beat one at its own game ? you sure can, but if the socialite goes down, it goes down taking everything and everyone with it. So you gotta be a big mother fucker with a lot of talent if you wanna take this fish down.

So best said, stay away from this one ! ... for your own good !! :)

=>>baraka badoura

The Player

God ! The Player  is gooooood !

This is one of those specimens on a 'must meet' list before you die ! trust me.

I had the lucky opportunity of getting acquainted with a player sometime back.... and MAN WAS SHE GOOD OR WHAT !

You know how this specimen works, she'll be on the fringes of your social circle so you won't know exactly what kinda person she is. But, but you will know that she exists ( that in itself is probably part of her plan ! ) . The player probably begins the first noticable moves when she adds you on a social networking site, with the unusual 'Hey we met here' or 'We met at so and so's party ' and funnily enough you will have a friend or two common with her !

Then she puts the bait, she starts scrapping you on  a daily basis, and its all very not so neutral scraps, everything has a tinge of flirtatiousnes in it :) hmm now that's style ! But you wouldn't dare think beyond what you've already got ! ( A nice girl scrapping you ! wow . now that's a first ! ). So you play along replying to those silly scraps. Suddenly you think its better to go on chat ! and tadaaa your chatting with her. You start sharing pics, going webcam what not ! Your thinking that you've really got a nice chick !

All this while she is leading you in, leading you in, reeling you like a fish to its death ! And your so caught up with the spinning joy cos some almost random chick has scrapped you, is interested in you and is showing all the signs that she is interested in you. You start thanking your daily deities for the good that they have done for you. Giving you a nice prospective girlfriend is no easy thing ( That too after being so despo for so long ! lol ). So you don't really notice what your falling into.

This gets done with, now it moves on to something more personal, what else ? you got it ! sms ! Have you ever seen an instance when a girl will ever ask you for your number ????????? Man now that's WEIRD ! Trust me . REALLY WEIRD ! But still the dumb little pea brains that we are ( or should I say 'I was' :) ) we don't see anything wrong and we are so caught up in the bliss that someone actually likes me syndrome. We give our numbers to the player and voila. Before the nights done a msg.

You start messaging, normally at first. It's like messaging with every other guy. You feel like replying you reply. If you don't you don't. Then she starts showing some of that attitude that makes you look up and take notice ;). You start messaging more and more regularly.  The bloody 5 paisa per sms thing starts to kick your ass now cos your messaging every single second of the day ! And then... ahaan 'her' balance is over in the dead of the night. She calls up to say that ! Your like, 'she called ! woohoo !' and before you know it you've fallen into the trap ! That one call starts extending into a few mins, minutes to hours, and it's almost morning damn it ! You don't get any sleep at 5 am do you ? lol ! But all that flirting was well worth it !

Could a girl get any better?  Nice attitude, sporty, not too possesive, smart, smart, smart ( she's reeling you in after all ! ), decent looking ( from her pics and the webcam ) and definitely the type your mom won't object to.

You start calling every day and she calls too. Messaging gets full heavy with flirting. Good Morning mesages have to begin with 'baby' or 'sweetie'. You wouldn't have even flirted like this with your ex damn it ! Suddenly you feel you have someone in your life. Someone who says sweet things and hopefully means it too. The more you try and stay away from it, the more you can't. Damn are you one dead fish or WHAT ! ?

And then you try and break it. And you almost do... its kinda decided you both wanna take it slow. But, but, but ... you haven't even met !

So yeah ! lets meet, you meet her. It's just a date. Normal simple. No mushiness. Just to check whether the two of you have chemistry and like each other. And it turns out to be great ! The next day begins usually, all goes well. But suddenly ... she says another guy is messaging her ! Oh oh ... I think i see trouble here ! But sadly you can't tell her. Your not officially with her, so you can't demand her to stop talking to him ! And what do you know ! That guy is on the fringes of your social circle too ! hmmm something fishy here !

This time, the more you flirt with her, the more she distances herself. A day which started with 'Good morning baby' is now into its afternoon with 'hmm' 'ok' 's and 'lets see' 's . But that doesn't make you give up does it ! The male ego that you have, you think that it's gonna work out fine and you keep trying. Trying too hard for your own good. Then, in the middle of all that messaging, and the running commentry she has been giving you on how that other guy is flirting too much , how he has so much attitude, and how she thinks he sucks big time and is such a loser... you think you are losing hope.

And hope you must fucking lose my man ! Cos at twelve in the fucking nite you will get a message that goes like this 'he proposed to me :) ' . And your like oh my fucking holy cow ! You are so sick up to your neck that you just put that you just thrash that phone away and burry yourself in that cosy bedsheet of yours and try force yourself to sleep ! :) .

You don't even bother messaging the next day. Cos you know its gone 'phut'. Then you get some neutral message. Now, there are two things you are wondering. First, how the hell did that guy propose to her in one day ???. Two, why do I feel like a dope ?

You notice that now, she is putting you on that best friend pedestal and asking you whether she should go out with that guy and your wondering ' enna kodumai sir ithu ?' and you like the gentleman you are give her that advice as neutral as the line running through zero. She feels all fuzy inside, and then as fate has it, you meet.

Then she is like, I like him now, it was fine till yesterday, blah blah .. you know how girls are right... yeah ! blah  ! lol . You'll still be my friend no. You'll still talk to me no.... lols Itell you !

And now the dream turns into reality ! You wake up and smell the coffee ! You realise ! Damn ! I was just spiked man !!! shoot ! and that feels funny... don't worry guys. There's a first for everybody :)

So you pick up what's left of your pride, dignity and honour ... put on those walking shoes.
And do... What any gentleman would do ....

You get a brand new girlfriend ! ( modified from Steve Holy- Brand New Girlfriend )

So yeah... wake up guys, girls that come behind you are way too few and if they do, it's almost sure it's gonna be a player . I hope the real one's don't find this a lil too offensive.

It makes me wanna think... and I tell you guys this.

 Life's a game. Learn to play it.

cheers !

another one from my friend :)


The other side:

How keeping secrets, Missing his calls and Flirting(with someone else) could boost your bond.

Chances are, you've already heard that one about how the way to a mans heart is
through his stomach... or the one about sticking to each other like white rice because
it will strengthen your twosome... or the one about never ever going to sleep on
a fight. Well, heres something you've probably never heard before- all this conventional
wisdom about what it takes to make a relationship work is absolutely hooey,
hog wash, nonsense. Because when it really comes to securing your bond, sometimes
you need to break the rules. read on for 6 relationship rules you really
should break... and find out how doing so can actually make
your relationship even better.

Old rule:
Tell your partner all your secrets.

New Rule

Tell some & Keep some

its no secret that womne bond by swappin life stories with one another. but sharing every itty-bitty
detail of your life history- how your parents traumatised you as a child and how
the love of your life broke your heart two years ago- might not be the best thing for
a long term relationsip. sure honesty is the best policy, but sometimes,
what you censor can be more powerful than what you tell....

Mr.X,27, can relate." I once dated this girl who insisted she didnt want
any secrets in our relationship. which was fine until she started telling me about
her crappy dating history, how she was anorexic in college, how she cant stand
my mom, and how she still misses her ex some times," he remembers.
" her nothing- to -hide policy not only made me wonder if she expected me to sort
out all her emotional baggage for her. Ultimately the pressure was too much for me
t ocontinue the relationship."

Fact is men feel disoriented when you disclose too many intimate
details too soon and t often. you may think you're bonding, but he probably thinks
you are an open book to every one and also you may seem to much of a depressing person too..

Bottom line:
While theres no need to behave like a secret agent, it is inportant that you do the slow
reveal when it comes to spilling. talk about your job, interests, opinions, but take your
time to disclose heavier, super emotinal stuff (like how your last sex dream starred
his best bud, how you can;t survive without botox or
how you had an affair with your last boss) until you know each other really
well or he prods you to reveal more personal info. Keeping certain secrets
under wraps wont only up his curiosity and interest, but when u do reveal
some thing thats truly weighty he will feel like he has earned your trust.

Some for the women to read now ... :)

The other side:

Speciman 1:
Mr.Intellectual:
He'll probably make it a point to bring up his credentials every five minutes,
between speeches on existentialism or Scientology. He's your regular
Tchaikovsky-Bartok listening, Kafka-reading, bloke. Consider working
on your IQ before encountering with this type.
Think of this as a mock-test for a job interview. You'll definitely come out worldly-wise.
This type will also teach you the difference between intellectuals and pseudos.
Be prepared for the pop quiz at the end of the meal.

Speciman 2:
Mr. I-Me_Myself:

This one is all about himself. you're just a silent spectator to his monologue about
the boss, the goldfish, his first steps as a baby, His first word(his name most probably)
whatever else "he" did, does or thinks is important to "him" or in anyway related to the one and only "him".
Consider yourself lucky if you manage to put in half a word in edgewise. your only
2 options around him would be go through the motions and practice being a good
listener (fill your self up with the delicious caviar in the process). Or (if the food is bad) say your house
is on fire and make a run for it. Chances are he's too full of himself to notice.

Speciman 3:
Mr. Touch-Me-now:

It's always nice to think about first dates. how he picked you up from home, took you out to
a romantic dinner(you sure u wanna eat the food) and then proceeded to run his hands up
and down your thigh? The beginning of a new love..... Or maybe you've just found yourself
your very own octopus!
Be firm when dealing with this variety. IF he tries getting to familiar, you can always
pour that glass of wine on him or the lovely chop-suey. That will put him in his place. Don't loose
sleep over this seedy variety. So what if you never made it to that paid-for-self-defense class? you got a live
practice session here. For free!!

Speciman 4:
Mr.Miserable:

He's a weepy version of the self-obsessed type, a classic case of "all against me". This whiner will crib about
every thing from traumatic childhood to his ungrateful boss, and expect sympathy since he
is single handedly running the company. He's especially prone to bitching about ex-girlfriends and how
they all wronged him. And yes, that's the reason why they're all "exes"!!
As annoying as his negativity can be, he will definitely help you in appreciating the brighter side of life.
After all NO ONE can have it as bad as him!

Speciman 5:
Mr.Slightly-Off-The-Line:

He "scrapped" you online saying he wanted to "make frandship". unfortunately, you obliged. When you met,
the only thing he came close to was making an ass of himself. Whatever happened to that hunk on the profile picture?
Yes, it's time to scrap him alright. In every sense of the word. First of all, DO NOT go out with random people
you meet on the internet, unless you have common friends. and if you're hell bent on doing it, take a friend along.
Also as romantic as secluded places are, they are strictly a no no for the first itme meetings.
A psychopath running after you with a knife, kinda takes the romance out of the whole setting, no?

Speciman 6:
Mr. Pretty Boy:

You have snagged a date with the quintessential good looker. But 10 minutes into the date you
realize that he has nothing else going for him. Soon, it's, "care for some coffee, cookies, or a brain perhaps?"
We all know that looks don't last. In this extreme case, not even for five minutes. If you think you've been shallow
in your choice of men, this type will definitely help you look beyond the obvious. You now have an interesting assortment
of men to choose from since you've learnt that looks are not everything. More so, when they are the only thing.

the above post was courtesy a friend of mine, thanks stud ! keep them coming ( a lil longer next time :D )

thanks a lot

hope you guys enjoyed her style :)

cheers